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Wednesday, November 5th, 2008
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so 4 months later and i only just felt really sad that someone broke into my house stole my 2 digital cameras [my sony one that i got for my bday in 2004 oh my god i loved that camera!!] my video camera that i got for my 21st bday my ipod that i got for my bday last year and my engagement ring.. its totally like they did it just to hurt me.
so yeh ive been sick and drepressed lots of whinging and complaining and not lots of working or being happy.
im kinda back ready to work again. and music oh how i missed loving music. we havent been to see bands for ages.. havent gone out with friends for ages mostly cause i would rather hide and i didnt even realise it was making me more and more depressed.
i thought everyone hated me, when really it was me that hated me and i projected that onto everyone else.
ill show you i can be good again.
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Monday, November 3rd, 2008
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| Time: | 2:18 pm. |
| Mood: |  crazy. |
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hello. i promise im not neglecting you again.
im feeling better. still some issues but its getting a lot better.
justins bday was good, appart from a longgg football game and people not coming cause its also a billion trazillion other peoples bdays at the same time.
the xbox finally died so we missed a whole week of shows and was in the middle of weeds season 2 episode 2. i decided that with justins bday and all i could just fuck over a loan payment and buy a new xbox. i will pay for this later :|
I had also already gotten him a snowglobe, its a cool 4th of july one pretty rare and has mickey goofy and donald in it.
after being screwed around by the disneyshopping website we found the globe we want to get for rochelle on ebay, but it was like $300 which is more than double what it was brand new from disney.. we will find it.. and she might get it.. its so fucked cause she always ends up getting her bday present like 5 months later. we are shit.
some sad news :[ i have realised me and justin have made some very bad decisions over the last few years. its time to start making good ones. we are contemplating not going to america next year in order to pay the loans sooner. we would instead be going in 2010 for justins bday halloween xmas and new years to make up for the long long long wait. we will prob change our mind cause we love LA so much. we'll see.
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Sunday, September 28th, 2008
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you are so going to get sick of how much i whinge about shit.. but i dont care, i really need to get it off my chest or i will go insane!!
my week was ok.. i tried to do as little work as possible. had both cars finish rego and could only register one. the greenslip was $615 and then rego was $513. add to that the fact that i needed 2 new tyers theres $398.
so of our monthly $4300 - $1400 went to rego.. and $1360 went to rent leaving us with not much to pay loan payments petrol bills and food.
i just hate how before we used to go out all the time go away on holidays buy new clothes buy dvds, we had the new car, we had the new computers and new everything.. Now we can only afford grocery shopping once a month and thats a strict budget. No new clothes. drive a broken car. no new dvds. no going out. no going away.
im at work at the moment.. trying to work as much as possible to get more money of course.. i took 1 call pretty easy day huh.. haha
apart from life seeming like it sucks bad at the moment, im ok.
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Thursday, September 18th, 2008
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| Time: | 12:18 am. |
| Music: | 90210 theme. |
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its so strange how you can be in such a down mood, and then one little message changes it all and puts a smile on your face. im just about finished the my name 4 your name stuff, the flash banner is taking me agesss. but they messaged me to let me know they got their shirts and stickers and said they looked awesome.. im really excited cause i felt so shit.
im so pissed that dan and serena are not together again! haha look at me talking about gossip girl like its real life. so glad to have house back again.
me and justin are having a tough time at the moment with money, we always get ontop of everything but when theres a low its reallly low and seems like everyone else is splashing money in front of our faces. no one seems to care or believe us we were so not ready to move out but got pushed and yes i know we could have gone somewhere not so expensive, but i promise if i was stuck in one of those shity places we looked at that were really only $40 cheaper i would be a lot more depressed than i have been. this house makes me feel happy theres so much space and its warm and theres so much light and the kitchen is amazing.
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Wednesday, September 17th, 2008
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The weekend was good gave me time to rest a bit, i got a bunch of work finished watched some movies and cleaned the kitchen. I didnt got to justins football game cause i didnt think he would play much, he came home sore cause he started played the first half and the last quatre and they won so i missed out.
sunday night was horrible though, i went to bed and could not sleep.. i felt like i was worried about something but i wasnt sure what i was worried about, it was really confusing. after 2 hrs of this i started feeling sick i went into my usual shaking and getting sweaty and trying everything to stop myself from throwing up, got up went to the couch and tried to sleep there, this blue couch is pretty old, its loosing its comfyness to sleep on haha.. great to sit on though. i went back to the bedroom and watched reba and miami ink finally got to sleep around 6:30am so i called up work and told them i would be coming in late because i really needed the sleep.
Work was alright pretty quiet most of the day and then got heaps busy right was everyone was leaving.. a P1 and only me on the desk not fun!
I had a great sleep last night i needed that badly, work was so busy another P1 when i got in.. i got heaps of work done though and i finally got to play wifi multiplayer mario kart with the guys at work!
i have my specialist appointment tomorrow, get the results from my blood test and im not quite sure what happens from there, the doctor didnt poke around last time so maybe they will this time?
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Sunday, September 14th, 2008
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I added a post from my work blog, just trying to seperate the two.. I had a better day on friday and the weekend wasnt bad.
just chilled out watched some shows and movies did some cleaning.
im so excited for new house this week.. almost all of our shows are back by the end of september, kinda shitty about nip tuck not coming back on til jan next year.
nothing else too much exciting to talk about at the moment.. its end of the week time to wind down and get ready to do it all again tomorrow.
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Thursday, September 11th, 2008
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being told your shit at your job 2 days in a row really fucking sucks.
i woke up this morning with a more positive outlook on life than last night.. i had gotten a fair bit of work finished last night - more in depth detail will be on my static blog.
i was on top of my game until my boss calls me over to tell me he got feedback from manpower head office. i had to go there on monday to fill in for the onsite person. background: i don't work for manpower, i have never been there, i know nothing about their systems or network, i was not told what i was sposed to be doing there, no one there knows who i am, knew i was coming, knew the person i was filling in for was away for the day, his computer was fucked, i had no account setup. I had nothing to do all day, anything that i may have been expected to do i couldn't cause like i said i know shit about the place. The guy from manpower emails my bosses boss and tells him that i did nothing all day i spent the day chatting and using social tools. if he had of paid more attention to what i was doing he would have noticed i was chatting to my boss back here at datacom and i was working on dfr stuff cause i was so unbelievably bored.
this sent me spirally. i got really defensive and needed out. i went into the bathroom to have a breather.. totally didn't work 2 other people came in and made me feel uncomfortable. i could feel an anxiety attack coming on so i rushed to my desk to get my keys before anyone would notice tears streaming down my face and to my car.
i sat crying for a good 15 mins just not breathing and wanting really really badly to hurt myself.
work should be the least important thing in my life and should never ever ever make me cry.
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whenever i wrote in this i didn't wanna kill myself nearly as much as i have lately. so here i am around 2 yrs after i last wrote here i thought it might be good therapy to post some shit that wont exactly be spread out to the world if it was on myspace or facebook.
when i leave shit a long time i like to have a bit of a run down... ready?
saw lots of bands too many to remember and mention.
went to anaheim again didn't spend nearly enough time there.
worked heaps. got a new job which i kinda like.
moved house. me and justin on our own.
made some cd layouts, myspace layouts, websites, shirt designs.
didn't drink. didn't smoke.
partied at my house. partied at fiddler.
had my cameras, engagement ring and ipod stolen when someone thought it would be fun to break into my house.
went to melbourne. watched wicked [fucking awesome]. partied with envy parade. partied at the casino.
played countless hours of guitar hero. singstar. GTA 4.
laughed. cried. broke the hell down.
which brings me to today.
i really cant stand some people. some people who lie. i spent hours working on some projects for a band. for them to turn around and ask someone else to do it. and lied about it. and then got the shits at me cause well isn't that what your sposed to do? fuck someone over and then act like they did you wrong.
i am way too nice to people. and i work way too much.
im not even good at what i do.. or i am good and people just make me feel like im shit at it.
please go die in a fire.
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Monday, August 18th, 2008
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so we jumped on a plane headed down to melbourne, sole purpose was for camerons bday. We had a bit of trouble at the aiport with the hire car, being on red Ps etc... $300 later hertz let us take a toyota corolla and off we went to bendigo. WOW it was cold there..
We met up with cameron and the rest of the envy parade guys and mae at the hotel we chilled for a bit watched some tv and got some sleep. went to nandos for dinner then headed to the pub where envy was playing. went back to the hotel were there was much drinking, we were probably really loud but on tour haha come on!! slept some hrs and then headed for melbourne.
Me and justin went to our hotel had a shower and then caught the tram to meet everyone again, did a bit of shopping then went to crown casino. That place is huge i won $60 then lost it haha!
We did the tourist thing on saturday and then went to see WICKED. it was awesome great story great show, i wanted to see it again already before it finished. We got great seats and left with the songs stuck in our heads. Elphaba was played by the stand in and half way through she got sick and they very smoothing did a cast change and the understudy came on right before the big number and she sang Defy Gravity and did the remainder of the show. she did a great job! if you get a chance to see it go! in a second i would do it again.
Envy played in carlton on saturday night, we met back with the boys and mae for some more drinks and to watch again. We met Amanda from australian idol at the show.. she has talent other than just singing... kinda psychic too haha!
got to sleep early, we had an early flight back home.
all up great trip great fun!
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blic's journal
awake.
crushed.
bitchy.